Practical Ways to Calm Your Child’s Nervous System
Written by Jay Wilson, MSW, LCSWA, CCTS-I
Four Seasons Child & Adolescent Grief Coordinator
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As caregivers, much of our stress can stem from the wellbeing of the children we care for or are connected to. This blog post provides helpful resources and guidance to support you and the children in your care as you process, cope, and move through anxiety and stress, especially as we move through the healing process following Hurricane Helene.
I recognize that there has been a significant amount of loss due to the recent weather event. For some, this may have resurfaced old wounds or worsened existing mental health struggles. These experiences can bring new or familiar existential questions to the forefront. As you support young people through these challenges, it’s essential to remember that you must take care of yourself first. This isn’t just a cliché—self-care is vital. You need to find support for your own struggles to continue being a resource for others. This doesn’t mean you need to be fully healed or have all the answers before helping others; in fact, waiting to “feel” ready may delay the support you can offer now.
I encourage you to contact one of our Grief Services team members if you need time to process your own feelings. Each of us is ready and willing to assist you. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to the struggles you and the children in your care may be facing. Every person’s experience is unique, and while I can provide resources, these should be used as tools—not blueprints—to guide you and your children toward healing.
The Impact of Trauma on Children
In my clinical experience working with trauma survivors, both adults and children, I’ve learned that the full impact of a traumatic event may not be apparent for months. While there’s a lot of immediate attention on recovery right now, it’s important to understand that children’s greatest challenges may emerge after things seem to be “returning to normal.” Research suggests that traditional “talk therapy” may not always be the most effective approach for all trauma survivors, especially for those who have experienced multiple traumas. Before children can process their experiences verbally, they often need help calming their nervous systems.
If you can assist children in regulating their emotions, you can prevent re-traumatization, increase their sense of safety, build resilience, and help them reconnect with their bodies. Many children may be unaware of how trauma manifests physically (e.g., tense muscles or racing heartbeats).
Below are a few practical techniques to help children calm their nervous systems before engaging in emotional conversations.
#1 Deep Breathing Exercises
Technique: “Belly Breathing” – Have the child place one hand on their chest and the other on their belly. Guide them to take slow and deep breaths through their nose, filling their belly with air, and then exhale slowly through their mouth.
Why: This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting a state of calm.
#2 Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Technique: With Progressive Muscle Relaxation, encourage the child to tense and relax muscle groups, starting with their feet and working up to their head. This can be playful by asking them to “pretend to be a stiff robot, then melt like a snowman.”
Why: This helps release physical tension and calms the body.
#3 Guided Imagery
Technique: For Guided Imagery, ask the child to close their eyes and imagine a safe, peaceful place. Prompt them to describe what they see, hear, and smell in this space.
Why: This shifts focus away from anxious thoughts to a positive mental space, providing temporary relief from overwhelming emotions.
#5 Movement
Technique: Encourage the child to move—whether it’s running, jumping, or dancing.
Why: Movement helps shift the nervous system from a fight, flight, or freeze state to a more regulated, calm state. Rhythmic activities, like swaying or repetitive exercises, are particularly helpful. Movement also boosts the release of endorphins, which naturally improve mood and help with emotional regulation.
These strategies can help children feel more in control of their emotions and better prepared to engage in healing conversations when they’re ready. Remember, we are teaching these techniques with the goal of children being able to call upon these emotional regulation skills naturally. This may take some time and consistently. As always, please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need additional support.
