When we say Four Seasons is “here for you,” what does that really mean? Read Larry Moore’s story of how Four Seasons supported him as the primary caregiver for his mother, Joan, while she was living with dementia. Request care from Four Seasons at any time online or by phone.
My mom had become physically disabled in 2000, so her body began to deteriorate more quickly, and she eventually developed dementia. Although it was difficult at times both physically and mentally, mom was able to live on her own for around 10 years in Gastonia, NC. As her health declined, she began to experience falls and it was difficult for us to manage the situation from afar. So, in 2017, we determined that living on her own was no longer the right choice for mom, and she moved to an independent living apartment in Arden.
She thrived here for several years and was quite the social butterfly. In 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic forced everyone into their apartments. Meals were delivered door to door instead of in the community dining room. Mom withdrew significantly during this time, and she still didn’t want to go back out even when the restrictions were lifted. Coinciding with these challenges, mom continued to fall and have other significant health problems. I began to notice that she also wasn’t taking her medicine as prescribed.
Needing More Care
As a result, her primary physician suggested that it might be time to move mom to an assisted living facility. I tried to discuss this with mom, but that was met with pure hostility. I continued to try and broach the subject, but it always ended in fights between us.
This continued until 2022 when she experienced a very significant fall. Because she was in an independent living facility, EMS would take her to the hospital after a fall. Then, I would have to go get her and take her back to her apartment. This cycle began to really wear on me. So, it felt like the sun had come out on a dark day when she told me she was ready to move to assisted living.
As we made plans to make this move, the symptoms of dementia were worsening. Mom would often become agitated, accusing me of wanting to be rid of her. The physical and mental demands of being her primary caregiver were beginning to take a serious toll on me and my health. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep- I was just under constant stress. So, I began to see a therapist at that time.
The move was, indeed, a positive decision as she had around-the-clock care provided by professionals who also helped dispense her medication. I was so relieved. But still if she fell, I had to go to the hospital to pick her up and bring her back to the facility.
During this time, she was also enrolled in Four Seasons Palliative Care and developed a close relationship with one of the providers. After some time, he suggested hospice care. I was surprised that her response was accepting. When we talked, she told me she was tired, and she was ready.
Transitioning to Hospice Care
When we signed the papers, I felt tremendous relief. The most important thing of which Four Seasons assured us was that they would do everything they could to keep mom out of the hospital and to keep her comfortable. After she started hospice care at her assisted living facility she had a fall as my wife and I were getting ready for a Christmas party. Within 30 minutes of receiving the call that mom did have to be transferred to the hospital, I got a call from a Four Seasons nurse who told us to go on to our party because they had this. She said they would be in touch if they needed anything from us, but that everything would be handled. When we left the party, I had a voicemail from the nurse saying that mom was okay and was being transported back to her facility. I cannot express how much relief I felt at being able to rely on these professionals.
For some time, things were much better and I had stopped seeing my therapist. Eventually, however, the situation began to decline again as mom’s dementia progressed and her finances dwindled. Stress began to creep back into my life again, affecting my physical and mental health.
Caring for the Caregiver
So, one day, I asked our Four Seasons provider if she happened to know of a group that offered support for primary caregivers of someone living with dementia. To my pleasant surprise, Four Seasons Grief Services offers a caregiver support group for exactly this reason.
And this is truly my Four Seasons story. Everyone hears how hospice cares for the patient, but my story is how hospice cared for me. That is not to take away from the care they gave to mom; that was great. But attending the caregiver group became an extremely important part of my week. Although I never met any of the other participants beyond our time in the group, they became like second family. As we went through this together, we listened to each other’s “war stories” of what had gone on in the past week. We sometimes even found humor in the stories we shared together.
As I continued through the group, mom’s dementia symptoms became quite severe. Through my new friends in the support group, I found other resources to help me further understand mom’s condition, how I could help her, and how I could support myself as her caregiver. We encouraged each other of the importance of caring for ourselves, that self-care is not selfish. I really don’t know what would have happened to me without this group.
We lost my mom on May 4, 2024. I attended one more session with the group after that and I left them with the reminder that if you don’t take care of yourself, you might end up a patient yourself.
So, that’s the highlight of my Four Seasons story. The care that they give the patient is phenomenal, but I think people expect that. What they don’t realize is the care Four Seasons gives to the family is equally as important. Don’t pass up the opportunity to ask them for help.
